Hidden Beauty

No longer hiding what is naturally been beautiful about me; my truth to myself.

 ~Stylicia A. Bowden~

 

 

It's official 2013 is now here and as quickly as it was ushered in it will quickly roll pass too. Alot of people have jumped on the New Year's Resolution bandwagon saying "This year will be different". I often ponder wondering what will be different about this new year for me. I choose not to do resolutions but set goals, create a plan and effectively strategize to live the life I deserve. I am tired of speaking things without putting the action behind it so 2013 for me represents "Just Do It" motto coined by Nike. In this phenomenal journey I believe it is also time to unveil hidden parts of me to embrace the authentic self. In every women's life it comes a time where she has to be real with herself because the lies start to drain her energy. When you lie to yourself you set yourself up for disappointment, wreckless behavior and falsifying who you are. It is not appealing to live your life in manipulating yourself and pretending. I have came to the conclusion that being real with me is the only option I deserve because it helps me embrace every aspect of myself. I no longer want to hide my true emotions or accept things that are below my standards. So many women hide their true self in hopes of maintaining false relationships. Sometimes we bargain our happiness to trade it in for lies. I understood how important it was for me to start being real with myself so I can get what I deserve. I got tired of living in my disillusional world and fairytale life. I had to be willing to say what I really desired in my life and what I was allowing to hold me back from love, life and happiness. 2013 is a year for me to live life in no regrets, unveil my hidden beauty and just do it. Whatever your allowing to stop you from living then be honest about it and face it. Stop accepting life as it is and say how you really feel, what you really desire and what is blocking you. The greatest accomplishment in your life is being true to yourself because "honesty is the best policy". Honesty is the only solution to accept who you are to bring forth a natural you. A natural woman is a woman who can say No and mean it & say "I really desire or want this..." "I do not want this or that". This natural woman will not compromise her truth to live a fabricated life because she will never be happy. When she is truthful she will be willing to miss out on some opportunities because she is waiting on the opportunity she desires and will not settle. She choose not to fill the voids in her life with temporary nonsense just to prove to others she has someone or something. Instead she waits patiently in her truth because her truth has set her free. 

The Upgrade Experience

The most powerful thing about being a woman is understanding upgrading is a luxury that comes with the maturity of age. ~Stylicia~

2013 is soon to make head way into our lives while 2012 will be a far and distant memory for us. 2012 will be apart of an epic moment but it will be known as our past. The thought of who you are or what you were in 2012 should not be a thought at all. The only thought that should penetrate in your mind is "how will I upgrade myself in 2013". In this last defining month of 2012 I have really embraced myself on a different level. It seems as if everything around me has been upgraded from hair, clothes, style, and all of thee above. God has taken me on an authentic journey for the last year in a half and next year in April I will celebrate my two year authentic journey; the moment I became a free woman. This month I learned how important it is to embrace living well, feeling well and the finer things in life. We were taught only rich people understand what it means to live good and be comfortable. However, living well is not about money it is a mindset. It is a wealth thing not a rich thing. This month I was able to experience the upgrade which included me crossing over to a new level of class, style and embracing the aging process. An epiphany happen this month I tap into the finer things in life like being grateful for what I have, where I am at and where I am going. I decided to do a 10 day gratitude fast speaking sounds of gratefulness to life, love and to the Lord. God has been very good in my life but I took it for granted and did not give thanks for what I have in the now. Once I started to speak words of gratefulness my life has begun to multiply. I had a great desire to look for quality and not quantity anymore in my life. The upgrade experience started in my internal being which has spilled out like an oil leak to the outer parts of my life. This month I went from Coach purses to Michael Kors purses, from rules to my wardrobe color palette to mix match bright colors, shopping at Express (which I love this store & will always shop there) to shopping at White House Black Market and from a chic short hairstyle to a funky do. I realize in the upgrade experience I started to look more mature as I walk boldly into my womanhood. The upgrade experience has just begun this month which has manifested outwardly, lying dormant inwardly.  I can now embrace my sexiness on all levels not being afraid to be a woman who embraces sexiness yet understands elegance is key. It has been such an empowerment for me to allow God to take me through this season of upgrade. I have even upgraded my finances by becoming a better steward of my money and started to save it. It has made me feel so good to at this point in my life to prepare for my future. I prepared for everything else in my life but never for my future. The upgrade experience is an exploration of my whole life transitioning to a new level. 

Ask yourself am I ready to take my life to another level in 2013, is it time to upgrade myself internally and externally and if the answer is Yes, spend the last couple of days of 2012 detoxing your mind  start fresh in 2013. It's time for an upgrade experience and 2013 is a great year to start the process.

Cheers To A New You, Well Defined You and Embracing the Finer Things Life has to Offer You!

In the playground

It's when you feel alone and that nobody cares if you exist.

The sweet voices of the children I can hear, It was like an enormous swarm of bees heard and seen covering the entire place. The golden brown leaves falling from the trees, guided by the warm colors of the sun's spectrum somehow reminded me of how splendid my life was.

I sat beneath the grandiose oak tree where I once carved my dreams and happiness. The tree that witnessed every blissful moment I had, the sturdy monument that served as the library for my whole history now stands behind me singing songs I used to sing.

As I sit there I couldn't help but stare and watch those four foot tall angels giggling and running ,having fun to their heart's content. They were cracking and throwing jokes at each other, laughing like there's no tomorrow. I too have silly jokes and magical stories to tell, but how would I enjoy them when there's no one who'd sit and listen to me. I just sat there with a stick drawing faces on the dirt.

The innocent youngsters had roleplaying games. There were kings, queens, princes, princesses and warriors. The climbed the monkey bars and made a fortress, rode the seasaw and had unicorns. Me? I remained hushed in my seat kicking the leaves that piled up. I wasn't invited to their magical game but I can sure tell it's fun! Did you know that I have fascinating games too? Oh well, what would I do with these games when there's no one to play them with.

I stood up and went to sit by the swings to have my snack. I wanted to cry because no one would sit with me. There were many people around yet I don't know why somehow I felt lonely. I guess I'm just starting to miss the ones who used to played games with me.

As I sit alone waiting and praying for my playmates, I learned something: "It's not the number of people around you that determines your loneliness, it's your relationship to them."

What would you do with two hundred fifty strangers when all you need is four people?

15th Rose

It was the night when all the heavenly bodies gathered to witness my chance of holding you again in my arms, an evening when time stood still and problems seized to exist.

I sat on my chair with a white rose on my hand. As I patiently wait, my body grew cold and my heartbeat rapidly increased. I was like a trembling criminal on a courtroom waiting for my verdict. As I remained perfectly still and hushed on my seat I stole glimpses of you; your eyes, your smile, your lips, your everything!

Finally my moment came. I stood up and walked towards you and as I give you my rose I feel my knees tremble! It felt as though no one was around... I never thought that this moment will come again. I just can't compare you with anything in this world.

There were lots of desires running around my mind as we danced; to smooth your elegant hair with my fingers, to cup my hands on your tender cheeks, to kiss those sweet lips, to stare on your ever so dazzling smile, to look deep into those mesmerizing eyes, to hug you... to hold you... forever.

As our music continues, I saw my coffin of infinite regrets surfaced. It felt like all those years I spent longing and crying for your return were just mere nightmares and that this is the point where I'll wake up. Unfortunately, what I thought was real was just made up of fantasies, thoughts and desired feelings... I guess I just 'felt' it.

I went back to my seat with teary eyes... sat there gazing upon you and your 18th dance.

"All those years I've longed to hold you in my arms, I've been dreaming of you. Every night, I've been watching all the stars that fall down, wishing you would be mine." -Side A, Forevermore

I'M THINKING OF YOU - photos and review

I'M THINKING OF YOU - Performance at the National Review of Live Art, Glasgow, 13th February 2009.

"....while a pianola tinkled little tunes, a naked Franko B sat, beaming beatifically, on a golden swing. The room glowed with the sunlight of a carefree childhood, the scars of Franko's previous body-work were like memories alongside the vivid colours of his luxuriously tattooed flesh, his eye contact with onlookers invited reciprocal smiles. Simply superb". 

- Mary Brennan, The Herald

 

Photos by Hugo Glendinning:

Messages in a bottle.

I saw you an island not far away. You sat there on the shore, hugging your knees with tears rolling down your cheeks. The soft bed of sand embraces your body, trying to sustain the warmth you're longing for. The gentle ocean breeze soothes your soul, blowing all the troubles and pain away. I saw you all by yourself, a stranger with no one.

I don't know your story, I don't know why you're weeping. I wish I could help, to offer my listening ears or my trustworthy shoulders but I can't. Like you, I was devastated, tossed and turned by the devouring waves, wrestled with the rocks and ended up shattered. Like you, my heart was injured.

The waters became calm. The unbearable nightmares and dreadful visions vanished. I sent you a message, a message in a bottle floating its way to you. I wanted to sympathize with your hurts, to share your pain and to hold your hand.

A few days later you replied. It was one of those unforgettable moments when the sun shone. An unforgettable second when a stranger painted a smile on my face... a second of having hope, hope of again, experiencing laughter and joy.

We exchanged letters and surprisingly our hearts were connected. I became a brother to you, a friend and a comforter. A stood on my island taking every breath with you. Don't you think engineers from heaven designed this plan? a plan that two totally different worlds will spin together? that two strangers will discover friendship? I believe it wasn't any accident, it was fate.

Again, I stood on the shore thinking. I am uncertain of when and how this will end, of how much strength we need to face the odds but one thing is for sure; I will hold your hands as tight as I can, that even if you let go... my hands will never.

My Long road home

The audible sound of the crowd from outside the room was vividly heard as Elijah sat silently in the utter darkness.

His eyes grew wide, barely daring to breathe, listening to the sharp, heartbreaking words from the mouths around him. Elijah seized the crystal tears from falling as he continued enduring the ache of the knife like words piercing his soul. He has carried a lot of grief and cried a lot of tears in his short existence but not like this one.

Every time an interminable silence occurs, Elijah would take a deep breath, doing his best to pull himself together as they slowly torture and wreck his spirit apart. Elijah knew better than to explain, to apologize or even to cry. To see the people he once thought as his second parents, his second brother, his second home stone him to death was indeed... excruciatingly painful.

His already two huge eyes seemed to outgrew his face as he watched the inevitable tension increase in their eyes, and with a single superhuman gesture, they battered him with words with such speed, that the air seemed to have leave Elijah's lungs.

The person whom he expected to somehow defend him just sat there and watch his spirit being tortured. There was no whimper of pain, no sound as invisible hands slapped him hard across the top of his head. To Elijah, the sound of the blows were deafening.

He walked the long road ahead of him all by himself. The flickering lamp posts guiding his way as he walk the seemingly infinite road were somehow offering him comfort. Wondering when he'll find home his eyes begin to flood with tears and as he walk there, he felt the embrace of no one but the cold February breeze.

The Gospel of Mary

I can't find it now, but yesterday I found a summary of the Gospel of Mary that enlightened me to the idea that there are tons of other historical gospel and/or gnostic writings that were not included in the Bible. For someone as comfortable as I am w/my own spiritual standing, I sure do spend a fair amount of time wondering about it... I'm not much interested in pursuing an advanced degree, but I'm toying with the idea of taking community college classes for the fun of it. I think I'd enjoy a woodworking class, some exploratory religious classes, maybe some psychology... that doesn't sound like a bad way to get some "me" time! :)

TEACHING POST

Franko B has recently been appointed professor of Sculpture at the Academie di Belle Arti, Macerata, Marche, Italy.

http://www.abamc.it/

In this capacity, Franko is looking for opportunities for cultural and educational exchange with other institutions, internationally.

LOVE IN TIMES OF PAIN

Franko B - LOVE IN TIMES OF PAIN

Solo show at GLOBE CITY GALLERY,
Curtis Mayfield House
Carliol Square
Newcastle Upon Tyne
NE1 6UQ

3rd April – 30th May 2009

Preview Friday 3rd April 6pm to 8pm

Exhibition open Saturday 4th April then Wednesday to Saturday thereafter, 11.30am to 5pm

Installation on 3rd and 4th floors

0191 2221666
http://www.globegallery.org
info@globegallery.org

Nearest Metro – MONUMENT

Details of event:

Globe are proud to present two installations by Franko B showing for the first time in the UK.

Love in times of pain presents a series of never-before-seen objects characterized by the exclusive use of colour black. The themes evoked – life and its vanities, death, eroticism and pain – remain central to the artist's investigation.

Love in times of pain is an encounter with a haunting setting of found objects and stuffed animals all pasted over in dense black acrylic paint; birds, a squirrel, the head of a deer, a fox, a turtle, standing still and awaiting for the viewer, mounted on trolleys, tables and other pieces of furniture, also covered in thick black paint.

The animals standing high on their 'pedestals' become monumental, glorious; it is as if these creatures are rescued and given a new identity, another lease of life. Standing high, facing the viewer with splendour, they become life itself; and the layers of thick, impenetrable black paint, this absolute monochrome, which usually evokes death, remains there as a reminder of a previous sore existence.

DARKROOMS - HOMME MADE

Group show, curated by Avi Feldman

Daneyal Mahmood Gallery,
511 West 25 st, 3fl
NEW YORK CITY 10001

15th January - 21st February 2009

http://www.daneyalmahmood.com

info@daneyalmahmood.com

Artsist: Franko B, Amir Fattal, Carl Hopgood, Shiro Masuyama, Michal Moskop, Yochai Matos, Dean Sameshima, Kyle Trowbridge, Naama Tsabar, Tobaron Waxmanwith.

LONG LIVE ROMANCE

- APPLICATIONS NOW CLOSED -

Franko B will curate and mentor an 18 day international workshop in visual art and performance, taking place within the Academia di Belle Arti in Macerata, Marche, Italy, 29th April - 16th May 2009. The aim is to build and bridge ideas and relationships.
There will be contributions from the following invited artists, academics and producers: David Rickard (NZ/UK), Ron Athey (USA), Martina Bako (Germany), Doreen Uhling (Germany), Francesca Alfano Miglietti (FAM) (Italy), Suka Off (Poland), Darrell Alvarez (USA/Germany), Jan Wagner (Germany), Olga Majcen Linn and Sincinca Ostoic (Croatia).

WHO ARE YOU?

Franko B will be running a workshop at The National Review of Live Art winter school in March 2009

- APPLICATIONS NOW CLOSED -

'Who Are You' is a workshop that explores a wide definition of 'performance', particularly from a visual art perspective. Participants will look at and explore strategies for producing a new piece of work, and will support and collaborate with each other to do this over five days. It will be an intensive programme, starting at 9am and finishing at 7.30pm every day, during which time, participants will examine and question their own practise in the context of a wide range of material and contemporary examples. The focus will be on the individual as image maker, through the tools of film making, performance, visual art, writing, music, etc.

see http://www.newmoves.co.uk for application form

I'M THINKING OF YOU

A new performance by Franko B, with original music by Helen Ottaway.

- Premiere at The National Review of Live Art, Glasgow, 13th February 2009

http://www.newmoves.co.uk

'I'm Thinking of You' presents a surreal, dreamlike image... a romantic vision of childhood fantasy and abandon. The body is central, but we are also presented with objects and music, which converge to take the viewer through a contemplative, personal experience.
The first inspiration for 'I'm Thinking of You' came from a childhood object, which Franko B made into a sculpture, altered for safe use by adults. The idea was to allow adults to play, to forget their problems, to let go, or just to have fun - in the same way that children are allowed to. Over time, and with engagement with the composer, Helen Ottaway, the idea has developed and changed, with Franko using performance and music as a means to create his desired image.

I'M THINKING OF YOU - review

Solo Show at Changing Role Gallery, Naples, Italy
22nd November 2008 - 9th February 2009

I'M THINKING OF YOU

Franko B, curated by Eugenio Viola

Solo Show at Changing Role Gallery,
Via Chiatamone, 26 - Naples, Italy

22nd November 2008 - 9th February 2009

http://www.changingrole.com
infogallery@changingrole.com

Dreams.

Help, I'm drowning.

Their hands were held as they ran along the shore,
laughing and playing under the bright colors of the spectrum.
The soothing warmth of the ocean breeze
was caressing their skin as they run.
They sat together, hands still held,
feeling the gentle friction between them and the ocean waves.

They went towards the magnificent waters for a splash
The whole afternoon was blissful, filled with
laughter and smiles beyond description
They made sandcastles, collected shells and had
a little picnic.

The girl took the guy's hand
"promise me you'll love me forever"
The guy nodded... "yes"
They were a couple of inches away from the shore
They wrote their dreams and forevers on a piece of paper
Together, they folded it and made a little paper boat

All of a sudden, the sun vanished
The bright warm skies turned black
the water became cold and unbearable
The massive waves came between them
yet their hands remained intact
fingers crossed
not letting go

The girl was crying
her tears were rolling on her cheeks
her feet was struggling, fighting
the ocean that devours her
she was catching her breath
breathing...
panting...
gasping..
her picture was far from portrayal
She clutched the guy's hand
still not letting go.

The guy was in panic

confusion and pride consumed him
corrupted his mind
and hardened his heart
he lost his grip of the girl's hand
then swam towards the shore

The girl was stunned
her tears fell harder this time
seeing the guy whom he loved
departed from her
she cried for the guy's help
but he was on the shore now....
far from her...

The guy could've saved the girl

but he chose to wait on the shore
to wait for the waves to bring the girl back
it seemed like the ocean of agony
that tortured the innocent soul of the girl
mean nothing to him
I guessed he thought that since
the waves will bring her again
all he could do is wait
and apologize
apologize for choosing pride over her
for ignoring her tears
for unclasping her hands
for breaking his promises
for letting her go

She woke up crying...
crying because even in her dreams
the same thought of the guy leaving her
kept haunting her.

Questions left unanswered
words left unsaid
promises left unfulfilled.

In tears, She remained on her bed...

Mourning the End of an Era

Little Mister Christopher & I are on day three w/no boobs. While I am anxious to have my body to myself again, I do already miss spending that quiet intimate time with him. Plus there's nothing more convenient than whippin' out a boob - I hate having to make bottles, especially in the middle of the night.

Then I remind myself that our nursing had turned into a game for him - lets see how Mommy reacts when I bite this one! I wonder if it'll hurt when I smack the other one! Latch on. Let go. Latch on. Let go. So it wasn't really all that quiet intimacy I like to remember anymore anyway. :)

He continued walking.

Company by his own, he continued walking along the narrow brick road. The storm never hushed, for days it kept on pouring its inconceivable wrath.

He reached an intersection and paused for a moment. Lights were escaping from his sight as the lamp posts begin to fade, the sound of the raindrops were traveling in and out of his ears, there were no colors visible in the picture... it was dull and dead.

The fog started to clear the road. He was puzzled to see someone on the other side of the street. The storm is totally bad and there's no reason for people standing on the streets by themselves. He surely doesn't know the person's story, it was a book he never laid hands on. "What could be so wrong that this person chose to walk on a stormy night alone?" He crossed the wet and slippery street towards the person.

A couple of fireflies lit the scene as they sit under an oak tree. It was their first time to talk yet they seemed to treat each other very special. The rain poured harder and this time, they used their jackets for protection. There were confessions and stories told. They took turns in narrating their books to each other. The simple gestures of listening and opening up made the dreadful storm bearable.

They both stood up and started to walk. As they laugh and play together under the rain, he realized the smile painted on his face. He was surprised that a person so strange and so new was able to turn his frowned face to a happy one. He was uncertain of until when his new friend will stay but right now, all he wanted to do is love his friend... to love like he's never been hurt.

"holding you for the very first time, never letting go"

-To be with you, David Archuleta.

Superbowl Schmooperbowl!

JR has turned me against the NFL. I used to almost enjoy football, but because JR tells us to leave him alone while he watches, I now almost hate it. I feel similarly about NFL, F1, NHRA, & UFC. I "get" that television is fun, there's several shows I'd watch regularly if I had the free time. FAMILY > TV Dammit!



And to make matters worse, he finally agreed to speak to a counselor, which both his shrink and I have been encouraging since he started on the meds, 5yrs? ago. After just one session, whatever he said, she encouraged him to take MORE time for himself! Specifically 45mins-1hr, as if he doesn't get that! He gets that, easily. I wish there was a way for some objective observation that wouldn't be an invasion of our privacy.